1. |
Get The Hint
03:04
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One winter was all it took for me to see exactly what you thought I had become. Now I am here to say that I can’t change your mind anyway, if all you see is what you think of me. But it breaks my heart for us to be like this. I have tried so hard to be everything to you. I am choking back all those tears that you’ve caused. Try as I may, I cannot disconnect from this. Seven years wasted by your bitterness. Seven years stolen by what you said. You know what you said. Give in: I can’t do it. Reach out: I won’t do it. So you can slit my throat and walk away. Forgive: I can’t do it. Forget: I won’t do it. So you can slit my throat and call me ‘family’. You wonder why you have no friends. Why you are alone every day and every night of the week. You drank the bitter poison and waited for me to die, but I am still up on my feet. Every one keeps hoping for changes they know you’ve got it in you. And when the hard times hit and you come running back. I will forgive again.
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2. |
Forward
02:19
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bury my face into my hands. My tears mean nothing anymore, but I wish they would. This is me getting over this. This is me getting over myself. To show emotions now this late in the game makes every chance that you gave to me, a lie. I want to jump into this water and swim until you can’t reach me, I’m at a crossroad and I don’t think I can keep it going. It hurts too bad to feel the pain that I’ve covered with pride. If this is getting ‘real’, then I’m done with reality. For every step forward that I take, all I can see are the next five that I have to make. I want to jump into that water and swim until you can’t reach me. I am tired of feeling alive. Give me strength or let me drown. I’m burning in water and drowning in flame. My prayer to God is that one day I’ll change and wake up before it’s too late.
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3. |
Wasted
02:13
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I never said it was easy choosing a path with no escape standing strong face to face with these nightmares. Watching you piss away your life with that can of beer in your hand. You made it clear what you valued and who you loved, it wasn’t me and it sure wasn’t mom. Growing up, you made it a point to show us you were not the hero of our story. When you see me now, you can’t fight back tears. The getaway that you created made you miss all of my best years. When you wake up you will find you wasted my whole life. You still blame me for every fault in your life, you know exactly what to say to leave me wishing I was never born, in fact, you’ve said those exact words to me. But, you can’t even say ‘I’m wrong’ or ‘I’m sorry’. So much pride keeping you from moving forward, making changes for the better, giving validation for the hurts that I feel. If you could look me in the eyes just once it would mean the whole world to me. This song is dedicated to all those that have fathers but still felt like orphans.
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4. |
Mouthful
04:15
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Please don’t call me anymore. We’ve been strangers for more than twenty years. What could I say to you? What could I give to you? Could you even recognize me in the street? What do you want from me? To be something you never been before. To see me now, to see the man that I have become would only magnify your role as a meaningless ghost. Maybe I’m being too harsh but I’m tired of carrying the weight of your decision. I have carved a good life out of hiding my true heart. To accept these feelings, means that you exist. So much more than ‘somewhere out there’. I grew up too confused to understand which piece of the puzzle that you fit into. I won’t do it now, not to my own kids, you were a phantom to me but to them you don’t exist. Twenty years is a long time to wait on you to be a man.
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Beggars Chicago, Illinois
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